In the coronavirus era, death is difficult. But so is being a mourner
These days, the sick go to the hospital alone — family isn't allowed inside because of the contagious nature of the coronavirus — and many end up dying alone without so much as a comforting word or caress from those who love them most. Family members and friends, devastated at the suddenness of it all feel guilty for not being there, for not helping with their loved one's transition. Funerals are spare, socially distanced occasions. Visitations are minimal; no more than 10 masked people in a room at a time, though many funeral homes offer live-streaming. There's no hugging or holding hands, no reassuring touch to soothe the grieving and remind them that even though they may feel alone, they are not. Large religious services are forbidden. There are no graveside vigils. No repast luncheons. Those familiar rites and traditions, those services "help us all kind of acknowledge the loss and kind of come to understand this loss is profound and permanent," said Peter Lichtenberg, a Wayne State University psychology professor who serves as director of the school's Institute of Gerontology. "When people aren't able to adjust to the environment in which the deceased is missing after a period of time, and the grief is as fresh as it was, it can be very difficult," Lichtenberg said. "People really start to have, not just the grief, but they have deeper depression and deeper traumatic reactions, almost like post-traumatic stress."